I was getting really excited researching topiary gardens and garden mazes I want to visit in England this spring and decided that Longleat’s maze is not only doable as a daytrip for my proximity but it turns out to be the longest garden maze in the world

Because it is in a nerd’s nature to run with trains of thought and tangents, all these pictures of crazy gardens and castles made me think that if I had the money and resources, I would love to design an edutainment amusement park based on old mystery cliches (or classic Scooby Doo episodes) where predestined secret doors and passageways would be revealed after going into a huge old timey library and pulling certain famous books out of the shelves. A secret doorway would reveal a path to a different adventure base on that book’s story or genre like the Choose Your Own Adventure books i grew up on.

And along these predetermined paths besides the best landscape architecture possible and most realistic faux landmarks, there would be some puzzles and brain teasers to solve to further the plot of the story and advance to the next level/setting. Off the top of my head, I can think of stories like The Most Dangerous Game, The Secret Garden, Alice in Wonderland as inspiration for the different paths/doorways. And maybe for the 21+ group, a tour would be devised where if you fuck up on your forked road choices, you would end up gettin bricked into a wall alive while sipping on a cask of amontillado ala Edgar Allan Poe. That would be game over/end of the tour and eventually spit your loser ass out in the parking lot back to the stationwagon.

OK now point me to the indiscriminate banks that would fund this idea, ha ha ha.