I was getting really excited researching topiary gardens and garden mazes I want to visit in England this spring and decided that Longleat’s maze is not only doable as a daytrip for my proximity but it turns out to be the longest garden maze in the world

Because it is in a nerd’s nature to run with trains of thought and tangents, all these pictures of crazy gardens and castles made me think that if I had the money and resources, I would love to design an edutainment amusement park based on old mystery cliches (or classic Scooby Doo episodes) where predestined secret doors and passageways would be revealed after going into a huge old timey library and pulling certain famous books out of the shelves. A secret doorway would reveal a path to a different adventure base on that book’s story or genre like the Choose Your Own Adventure books i grew up on.

And along these predetermined paths besides the best landscape architecture possible and most realistic faux landmarks, there would be some puzzles and brain teasers to solve to further the plot of the story and advance to the next level/setting. Off the top of my head, I can think of stories like The Most Dangerous Game, The Secret Garden, Alice in Wonderland as inspiration for the different paths/doorways. And maybe for the 21+ group, a tour would be devised where if you fuck up on your forked road choices, you would end up gettin bricked into a wall alive while sipping on a cask of amontillado ala Edgar Allan Poe. That would be game over/end of the tour and eventually spit your loser ass out in the parking lot back to the stationwagon.

OK now point me to the indiscriminate banks that would fund this idea, ha ha ha.

please be real, lawyer dog.

he looks like richard gere to me.

i hope to meet you in my dreams one day, preferably over pizza at zachary’s. there you can bestow your infinite wisdom upon me and share your educated predictions for the future such as possible hair styles for phil spector, who will be our next president, and what new musical instrument my objectifying eye will behold in the year 2030

i had a dream that one of my friends ordered some shit from musician’s friend and put my address as the shipping address to throw the man off who was after him. i didn’t know he did that so when i got the mail, there was a monstrous tube amp and a guitar case in front of my door. the mailman left my gate open some someone could steal that shit. i took the guitar upstairs and when i came back down the amp was gone! i saw some kids walking off with it down the block so i ran after them and started fake crying asking them to give it back cause it was a gift for my sick nephew. they felt sorry for me so one of the kids threw it down the hill so they could run the other way while i chased the amp. when i finally caught up, it was too heavy so i added wheels to the bottom and started riding the amp like a bike, but using my body weight to shift and steer back home. when i got back home i called my friend up and told him that he could have the guitar but i am keeping the amp.

i just remembered that i had the funniest nightmare. i lived in some swanky beverly hills neighborhood with all these actors on my block and i was walking home from god knows where all spent, looking like death and crazy hungover. i tried to sneak through backyards so no one would see me and ended up crashing some huge black tie gala event at one of my neighbor’s house where all these celebrities were. so all eyez were on me and i walked past Jack Nicholson in a tux who was on his cell phone talking shit about me, mumbling something like “Audrey needs a makeover.” Then I was like “I CAN HEAR YOU, JACK.” really pissed off, and then he said “Yeah yeah, I want my camaro back that you borrowed.” i guess i borrowed it like a neighbor borrows a cup of sugar?

then I woke up. i think i hate jack nicholson now.

ok, pt 2 of Scorsese’s “No Direction Home” documentary seemed way more engrossing than the 1st part, wayyyyyy more. those press conferences he had to do were intense – it made me really feel for dude. also i loved seeing the concert footage of the band as his backup band. this shit is my favorite – i love the interviews with his other band members too, they were funny. it would scar me if i went on tour and was booed at every night and had shit thrown at me. very neat. that scene with johnny cash was unreal. he seemed like he was on sleeping pills plus he looked really gaunt. i’m excited to rent the dvd for the live concerts on the extras

i also had a cool ass dream last night because of this…. i dreamt that i had the ability to produce any bootleg video/cd just by thinking about it before i went to sleep and then i’d wake up the next morning, and it’d be next to my side on the bed. in the dream, i’d think up “bob dylan circa blah blah at the fiji islands”, would wake up and there would be a pile of dvds next to me. it was awesome. i could make up any fake concert and i’d have the recording of it the next morning. i told my boyfriend and he was like “how did you produce it? like a kidney stone?” it wasn’t that specific, it would just appear under the blanket in the morning. i think i dreamt this not only because i got to SEE the manchester concert for the first time where people shouted “Judas” at him after listening to the bootlegged audio of it many a time, but i had also made plans to go over my friend’s house tonight to burn a dvd copy of this beach boys bootleg video after planning to do so for over a month now.